Happy Birthday Artemisia Gentileschi!

To my dear and suffering friend, Artemisia,
First of all, I wanted to congratulate you on being compared to Caravaggio, girl! I am so happy that you’re being recognized as one of the best painters in the Baroque era, especially for your dedication to realism and depicting gory details! Those naysayers who accuse your father being the actual painter of your paintings are cah-razy— your father’s work is good but it does not hold a candle to your work and you know I am dead right! And by the way, I totally think that your original version of “Susanna and The Elders” (1610 C.E.) should have been chosen because it is much more violent, empathetic, and representative of the ordeal you went through with that pathetic excuse of a human being, Agostino Tassi.

 

An X-Ray scan of “Susanna and The Elders” that revealed Gentileschi’s previous version of the painting, which was much more graphic (Done by Kathleen Gilje).

I know that you had to tone it down due to societal expectations and the fact that you were already breaking a lot of taboos by being a progressive female painter, but my feelings are what they are. The original version of your painting better illustrates the passage in The Book of Daniel from The Bible, where, as Susanna was bathing without any attendants nearby, two depraved priests spied on and then threatened her when she refused to have sexual relations with them. They besmirched her reputation, blackmailed her by saying they will spread rumors of infidelity, and yet she remained strong! Like you, I suppose… But I am pretty sure you intended that comparison to happen, since everyone has heard of your trials with two-faced Tassi. I have always considered you just masterful with symbolism, and that’s another reason why your artwork is praised so much!

 
You know, in light of this legal trial between your father Orazio (because you were his property as his daughter, in your lifetime) and Tassi, I have been having the hardest time thinking of gifts that could at least minimize your suffering and help you in life. It makes me sick inside to think of what you had to go through: accusing Tassi was no easy task since he was initially your father’s co-worker and was hired to tutor you privately. What a sicko! He used his position and your young age at only nineteen-years-old to sexually take advantage of you! It was an even more heinous act because this all happened out of wedlock, in a time that actions like that were blamed on the victim and not the perpetrator. He is a lying scumbag, that Agostino Tassi, for telling you he would marry you to keep this scandal a secret and to save your reputation. He is a coward for not going through with the promise, though I’m secretly happy in my heart that you did not waste your life with him. I know he took your virginity and that was a big deal in those times, but I promise you, your life will infinitely improve once those legal trials are over. How do I know? Hmmm, let us call it, ‘time-traveler’s intuition’.

 
So, my first gift to you is a big one, but I am sure you will find it the most useful: a cattle prod! Now, do not worry your genius little head of how it works; I am legally bound not to reveal how future technology works. Them’s the time-traveler rules and I do not make them, just follow them. You are definitely free to use it, and I advise that your first guinea pig be Tassi. Let us just say that this will be a good reminder for him to keep his filthy mitts off of your body and his nasty ears out of your beeswax. I mean, he will not die when you shock him (sad, I know), but he will certainly fell a lot of pain that will hopefully remind him not to mess with you again. I will keep my fingers crossed that he finally learns what the word ‘no’ means.

 
Now, I technically should not be disclosing this, but your life is not going to fare any easier once the trials are behind you. Spoiler alert: you will come out in the right! This information might be a birthday present unto itself, but I do not roll like that. You need another physical present because I adore you and want to spoil you! So, before that, I should give you some information, again. Your reputation in your hometown, Rome, followed you wherever you went. When you will move to Florence, people and newspapers will be all too eager to spread vicious lies about your ordeal with Tassi and your ‘supposed’ lies about attributing your father’s work as yours. Anyone with eyes can see that you have talent, but people are quick to assume the worst about anything, and the people in my time period are no different.
I want to give you a solution to those pesky journalists with my second present. So, in the package that you got this letter from, I enclosed a lock pick kit. It’s for you to stop the tabloids from spoiling your image! You can use it in any way you want. Are you merely going to infiltrate the printing presses and change the whole story around? Go ahead! Will you burn all of the paper copies of carefully-spun lies about you to make sure no one reads them? It is your gift, honey, so you can use it as you want! On a serious note, though, my initial thought for this present was so that no one can ever imprison you like Tassi did and have their way with you against your will.

To end on a happy note, I hope that the portrait you started, “Judith Slaying Holofernes” (1614-1620 C.E.), goes well for you! I love the fact that you already have the idea in mind to make this a sort of revenge statement piece. I guarantee, you will be remembered for years to come for your daring move to make the piece realistic and horrifying, unlike your peers at the time. It is just so you! Unfortunately, this is the last time we ever correspond, because my time-travelling agency only allowed me to stay a year in touch with you. I hope you feel better in your heart that you will be greatly appreciated in my time and again, happy birthday! Here is to many more of them.

Your dear friend,
Megan Jane York, Time-Traveler Megacorp, Squad #47-Θ

 

 
Works Cited
Gentileschi, Artemisia. Judith Slaying Holofernes. c. 1614-1620 C.E. Oil on
canvas. Museo di Capodimonte, Naples.
“Susanna and the Elders, Restored.” Kathleen Gilje. Kathleen Gilje, 1998.
Web. 6 Sept. 2015. <http://kathleengilje.com/artwork/
321721_Susanna_and_the_Elders_Restored_X_Ray.html>.
“Artemisia Gentileschi.” Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, n.d. Web. 6 Sept.
2015. <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artemisia_Gentileschi&gt;.
“Artemisia Gentileschi Biography.” Biography.com. LLC. Say Entertainment, n.d.
Web. 6 Sept. 2015. <http://www.biography.com/people/
artemisia-gentileschi-9308725>.
Gilje, Kathleen. “Susanna and the Elders, Restored.” Kathleen Gilje. Kathleen
Gilje, 1998. Web. 6 Sept. 2015. <http://kathleengilje.com/artwork/
321721_Susanna_and_the_Elders_Restored_X_Ray.html>.
Gunnell, Barbara. “The rape of Artemisia.” Independent. Independent, 4 July
1993. Web. 6 Sept. 2015. <http://www.independent.co.uk/
arts-entertainment/
the-rape-of-artemisia-four-hundred-years-ago-this-week-artemisia-genteleschi-was-
born-in-rome-today-she-is-recognised-as-a-great-painter-but-for-more-than-three-c
enturies-her-works-have-regularly-been-attributed-to-other-artists-all-of-them-me
n-in-1612-she-was-allegedly-raped-by-a-painter-in-her-fathers-studio-and-so-she-b
rought-him-to-trial-1482748.html>.